Testimony of Jesus Christ

by Jacky Julyan

I gave my life to Jesus on the 17th day of August 1987. My daughter was barely nine months old. It has never escaped my notice that the timing of my daughter's physical birth ran in sync with my own spiritual birth by the Spirit of God.

I was married to a man from a family of generations of Christians, although he never mentioned this fact to me. I cannot judge whether the members of this family or not gave their life to the LORD Jesus Christ, only He knows this. My husband however was a God-hater and blasphemer of grand proportions and when I announced that I gave my life to Jesus Christ all hell broke loose in my home and satan often manifested in my husband many times. There were many times the LORD gave me such supernatural strength spiritually which amazed me because in and of myself I had none.

I feared my husband very much, in fact I feared all men, although at this point in my life I had no idea the extent of my abuse as a child. My husband was a professional business man and this showed keenly on his outward appearance, but on the inside, which God allowed me to see he was full of wickedness. This wickedness and the depths of it the LORD in his graciousness to me kept it from me for many decades, such is the power of God being able to keep you in the most impossible of situations.

By this man, then my husband, the father of my child, he would verbally abuse me. The cruelty of his words were venomous and reduced me, in the end, to a nervous wreck. My whole body would shake and physical manifestations would appear on my face as it would twitch constantly.

I never refused my husband in bed until the very night I decided, having prayed to the LORD what to do, to separate from him. This was to get some respite and to think things through. It was never my intention to divorce him at all, but needless to say I parted for eighteen months and then returned at the instruction of my church that I shouldn't have left my husband. I returned to face more abuse and worse. God in his mercy to me allowed me to leave when my husband was having an affair, in fact he wanted his new lover to come and live with us! My reply being no, didn't stop him doing what he always wanted.

On the night before I left him the first time I was soaking in a red-hot bath. This was the norm for me to do this and later through the recovery of many memories ten years later I remembered as part of discipline to do what my abusers wanted I was thrown into scalding water. I was used to the pain and it was at this point in emotional and spiritual pain I called out to the LORD asking Him what should I do. I knew my husband didn't love me, though occasionally when he had a good day he would tell me he loved me. His actions though together with his words revealed his scathing contempt and disgust towards me, which left me in no doubt he was a liar, but worse too was the fact I believed him.

As I was praying in the bath that night I heard the LORD's voice really clearly. It was still and calm and words uttered to me were 'Go to your Mother'. I knew without a doubt this was from the LORD. But I was also puzzled for many years why He said 'mother', then nearly three decades later, I would read a Christian testimony of an abused woman like me. Finally the penny dropped about my Mother and how in truth she was just my biological mother who palmed me off to strangers for the first five years of my life. Then I lived with her from five to ten years old but left with strangers where most of my abuse took place.

Both my husband and mother hated each other and looking back I could see they were both similar in their characters, attitude and their need to control me. I was always piggy-in-the-middle. I was of the disposition and still am to some extent, passive, fearful and timid, although I thank God He is delivering me of ALL my fears, one step at a time. My daughter at this point was nearly two years old and I can see now just how much Jesus gave me strength to cope with all I had to cope with. It wasn't just about the domestic side of the situation but God revealed to me back in 2013 that my husband was thoroughly wicked. In fact the LORD said he was Wickedness with a capital 'W'. This I sensed was to do with something he had done which my husband kept a secret from me and somewhere along the line he made some kind of foolish pact with the devil. Yet, he maintained that neither existed.

Furthermore, my domestic life was also dominated with my mother who I later learned, although abused herself, was a High Priestess in a London coven in her teen years. This I would realize going to live with my mother over the next eighteen months and God bringing the beginnings of who my mother really was although at this point the LORD hid the true extent of my abuse until I was stronger. This came about when I finally left my mother back in 2000, after taking care of her for many years and through much sickness, which I still believe today was because of her lack of confession to Jesus.

Jesus set me free from her. This is a long story and I'm just sharing a skeleton outline, such was the depravity of my mother on many levels of cruelty. It was through all these devastating accounts of my life that Jesus would reveal Himself to me in the most powerful, earth shattering way through seven visitations. I have also had visitations through dreams where Jesus cast out a demon connected with a bad abusive relationship with a man who was a warlock. This too I didn't discover until I was well away from him. Such is the love of Jesus and His power alone to set you free.

I know my story has to be written and it has taken years to reach this point as my healing with Jesus has been very deep. I am writing this because Jesus has asked me to write it, commanded me to write it such is His love, because the time is short and many need to know the true reality of Christ and that He truly is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

Jesus did indeed rise from the dead because I have walked and talked with Him back in 1990, 2000, 2004, 2005, 2008, 2012, 2013. He encouraged me to keep going through ten years of deep depression. It is not that I shy away from this task but I get very fearful and overwhelmed with the shame of what took place as a child which affected so many bad choices growing up.

Only Jesus could tell me the truth of my life and such was the shock I had a major life threatening break-down and then continued for years to try to take my own life as it was so unbearable.

I faced death so many times as a young child and saw also Alice a little girl who was like a sister to me, under five, being raped and beaten literally to death. The pain has been so much to bear, too much so at times, that I did not want to live but just wanted to go to heaven to be with her. But of course God had other ideas and I thank Him every day I am alive and here to tell of the wonderful love of Jesus and write for Him.

I was always doubting, just like Thomas in the bible. Every time I used to read about Thomas it would bring memories of a little boy I knew, again around the age of five. He too was part of the pedophile ring I was abused in. I never knew what happened to Thomas. Only yesterday I heard a child cry and it upset me so much as I can still remember all the tears, screams of terror of the children being hurt. For me, like today, I am still numb about the whole thing and I write because I cannot speak about it without running off.

I thank God for His patience with me. So many never had the patience with me or towards me. I cannot bear any pressure at all and strangely enough my daughter is the same. On the one hand I can be very quick and this is because I had to think quick about how to get out of something.

Once when I was a waitress, some of the others I worked with would say, 'Don't try to get ahead of Jacky, she is ten steps ahead of you'. I laughed at the truth of this, but they never knew why and of course many who have been abused do not speak about it, even today.

Yet, God has so much patience for me, He listens all the time to my strange prayers which wouldn't fit into any prayer-book as I have to come as a child. I am very childish with God, totally, I don't know any other way. By the experts I have had numerous diagnosis of my mental condition from border-line, DD, P.T.S.D. They finally settled on the latter one as they still do not know what to make of me. Well I thank God again, because He takes the weak, those whom the world rejects, if this wasn't the case I would have no champion on my side at all!

Since Jesus is the Author of my life I am entrusting my story to Him and how to write it. It is foul, ugly and to many it is the stuff of nightmares. It is filthy and the perversions of man do not go overlooked by God but when these extend to small children who are powerless then I believe totally God is right there. I even saw at the height of my abuse one particular night the cross of Jesus Christ shining down from heaven and came right in the attic where I was being abused. He was crying, I was crying and wanted to die. I was five years of age. So as painful as it is I want to share the love of Jesus Christ. He is not some fable or story among fairy tales. If there is anyone who could fly it is Jesus and He did rise up into the heavens in full view of His disciples.

So fifteen years on after my break-down and years in hospital, even up until last November, a year ago my story needs to be told that through pain and suffering which belongs to this earth and this life Jesus is right there until He takes me Home to heaven, my real home. I've never had a home, I've moved over fifty times in my life and those are what I remember!

Yet, now I am in Christ Jesus, I am a new creature the old has gone and the new has come. My life is totally for Jesus Christ. I own nothing and live in a very cheap, thank the LORD, bed sit where I write, live with my dog, live around the corner from my only daughter. I recently lost all of my disability money, I have to pay for the treatment for my dog which is costly and God has never failed me, not ever for Jesus asks us to walk by faith and not by sight. It is easy to trust when you have a safety net of friends and finances but it is a different when you have only the LORD to lean upon. I have been brought to this point in stages over the last twenty years. As hard as it is at times I would have it no other way for when God brings things out of nothing all I can do is praise Him still!

Jesus continues to write-through me as He has appointed me a watchman and prophet and verified this calling through visitations in dreams and visions. Only this week-end He spoke to me about writing, just writing, not speaking, emphasizing the written word.

It is not easy following Jesus but it makes this life much more secure knowing He truly is real, just as heaven and hell are real because Jesus spoke about them.

Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life and only through Him can you know God the Father who lovingly, patiently waits for you to turn to Him. The Holy Bible is true, ALL of it and Jesus is everything and more said about Him in this Holy Bible, the Word of God.

I pray you will give you life to Jesus Christ today, don't let anyone stop you, don't let them cause you to doubt or shrink back from this glorious truth.

Truly as the thief on the cross was given eternal life at the end of his physical life, Jesus said 'Truly you will be with me in Paradise Today'. You will never know when your life will end, it ends for everyone, so turn I pray.

Jesus loves you and does not want anyone to perish and go to hell. Don't believe me, check it out for yourself, shout or call out to God yourself. Go to Him because He is the One who is Perfect and made you and loves you just as you are, more than you will ever know.

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